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Following a federal courtroom speech in which he urged young people to avoid his life path, former Sinaloa Cartel leader Ismael “El Mayo” Zambada announced Thursday the launch of a new youth mentorship initiative aimed at breaking down, in meticulous detail, the exact operational blueprint that allowed him to evade law enforcement for nearly seven decades.
Titled “Don’t Do What I Did: A 68-Year Step-by-Step Case Study,” the initiative is designed to steer teenagers away from organized crime by offering an exhaustive, multi-volume curriculum detailing logistics, supply chain management, high-level corruption strategies and long-term asset diversification, so that young attendees know precisely which sophisticated mechanisms to avoid.
“Violence only leads to two places: prison or death,” Zambada said in a statement released through his legal team, emphasizing that his life serves as a stark warning. “To ensure our youth do not make the same mistakes, my curriculum will thoroughly examine how to build a transnational logistics network across four continents without using a cell phone until approximately 2018. It is vital that kids understand the terrifying burden of managing thousands of decentralized distribution nodes, so they never feel tempted to attempt it themselves.”
Organizers confirmed the seminar series will feature interactive workshops where participants are shown maps of remote airstrips and hidden mountain labs, accompanied by stern lectures on why establishing such complex infrastructure represents a tragic waste of potential. Attendees will also receive a 400-page workbook outlining the specific, highly effective techniques used to maintain regional monopolies, accompanied by large red text reading “DO NOT ATTEMPT” across every page.
Policy analysts have noted the uniquely thorough approach of the cautionary campaign, which treats 68 years of criminal supremacy not as a heroic narrative, but as an overwhelming administrative nightmare that no teenager should ever want to inherit.
“It is a powerful message,” said Dr. Fernando Reyes, a senior researcher in public safety policy. “By spending eight hours a day explaining the exact mechanics of money laundering through agricultural front companies and international trade finance, Zambada is sending a clear signal: running an illicit global conglomerate involves far too much paperwork, supply chain volatility and court-mandated restitution to ever be considered a viable career path.”
At press time, federal officials confirmed that while the curriculum’s moral message was universally praised, the accompanying 12-disc masterclass video set had already been flagged for containing far too many practical tips on customs evasion.
